Guy's Guide to Moving in with your Girlfriend

Occasionally on Advice for a Modern Man, I allow a guest to write an article. Generally I do this to give my mind a break and to allow another voice to heard, especially if that voice is more versed on a topic than I am. Today you are being treated to one such guest and this is his "Guy's Guide to Moving in with your

Girlfriend". 

 Seasons come, seasons go. … all things come to pass.  I’m the type of person who has never been a big fan of change… and for any bachelor there is no change bigger than getting a place together with your girlfriend.  After 3 years (of subtle) and 6 months (of not-so-subtle) coaxing I was coerced convinced that it would be a great idea that my girlfriend and I get a place together.

Now I don’t know what stage of your life that you may be in… but I promise that at some point you WILL live with your significant other.  It is at this time that you will find out that life is not one long continuous rap video.  Now when you decide to get a place with your girl please take this simple yet valuable information (It’s on the internet… so it MUST be important).  I’ll keep it short and simple.  THREE rules of getting a place with your girl.  I beg of you... Please learn from my mistakes!

Rule #1. GIVE IT UP: The moment you decide that you will be moving in together you are no longer a bachelor.

When WE (more on the word “we” later) got the new place I still had a whole month left on my lease at my old place.  I remember having this wistful delusion that I was going to have this grand 30 day going away party/end of freedom celebration to usher in my new life season.  In reality this marathon-party consisted of me staying at my old place one night and finishing up the Fruit Loops and milk that I had left in the fridge.

Rule #2. BE SURE THAT YOU TWO MOVE IN AT THE SAME TIME!!

Two reasons for this. 1.) You will end up “helping” her move to the new place… and weeks later… you will be helping yourself move all of your stuff to the new place. Kinda weird right? One place… but you “moved” twice! How the hell did that happen? And…

2.)  When you finally move your stuff in to the new place…. There won’t be any room for it! It’s a damn good thing that I only have 6 different outfits because if I had 8… I’d have to keep two of them in the trunk of my car!

Rule #3. LEARN THE LANGUAGE!! Or commonly referred to as “1+1= HER”

 
This is the first time that I've lived with a girlfriend and in less than 30 days I've started learning a new language! I've named it “Femlish.”  (Pronounced fem’-lish)  I don’t want you to think that I am fluent. But I am at least getting comfortable with translating it. Now since this is a blog I don’t want to get into a long Femlish lesson but I will give you a few quick pointers. The first thing that I noticed in this language is that the word “we” only means one of you. Allow me expound….

 “WE” often means: “I”.  When your girl says, “WE need to pick out some new furniture for the new place.”  This means you will spend the next few weeks going from store to store waiting for HER to decide which couch “SHE” likes.  This likely means YOU probably won’t like the couch that “WE” agreed on.   Another example of this is when she says “WE” need to talk.  This means SHE will spend the next 25 – 55 mins talking about the changes that YOU need to make.

Last thing… Just know that “WE” doesn’t always refer to HER.  Once you move in your girlfriend will say things like, “WE need to get rid of some stuff.”  “WE need to start keeping this bathroom clean.”  Or “Do you think WE need to paint the living room red?”   This means YOU need to get rid of a bunch of YOUR stuff, prepare to mop, AND you will probably get red paint on your keyboard while you are guest writing a blog….

ThaGawdShow

Twitter @ThaGawdShow

www.facebook.com/Terrance.r.davis

This article was originally published in 2010, but I still find it relevant today. Good advice doesn't expire.
Follow me on Twitter and Instagram for more menswear tips and advice. @Styleguyjoe on twitter and @styleguywc on instagram. Either way, search #styleguysays for quick reference to my posts.

Do Not Miss Out

I will be the 1st person to admit that I have a very unique outlook on life. I see situations from a perspective that most people do not. Some people say it is a gift to have the ability to see things they way I do but I do not agree. In order to see the world through my eyes, you would have to go through situations that I would not wish on anyone. However, it is those very situations, that have given me some of the experience that I am going to use my blog to share.

I had a conversation with an old friend about how there were people in her life that she missed. This got me thinking, this is what I came up with:

You can miss someone you do not remember, but it is impossible to remember someone you do not miss.

To understand what I'm blabbering on about I am going to explain what I believe happens when you remember someone. When we remember a person, it is not the physical person that we recall, but instead it is the experiences and emotions that the person brought to our lives. For example think about someone close to you that you have lost touch with. For most people they stir up memories, good times; the smell of grandma's apple pie, the sound of Mom's voice as she sings you to sleep. That fishing trip with your college buddies right before graduation, the last good night with your ex before the relationship when south. When your remember, your mind recreates the feelings, and uses all of your senses to revive the connection that you once had with that person and for a moment, while you are in that memory, it hardly seems like that person is gone.

Lets now talk about missing a person. I believe, from my experience of losing lots of people over the years, that when we miss a person, it is not the physical person that we miss but the space in our lives that they used to fill or they would have filled. Here is my example. My biological mother died on February 13, 1996. She was only 43 years old. I was only 14. By next February I will have spent just as much of my life with her as I have without her. Its been so long that I barely remember much about her. I can hardly recall any specific situation or time spent with her but I still miss her. The reason I miss her is because I miss the spot she filled or would have filled in my life. The feelings that missing a person bring on are just the opposite of remembering. They usually leave you feeling empty and not quite whole. Instead of the warm feelings you are left with a hole where those feeling would be, but it does not have to be this way for everyone.

For most of the people reading this blog, you have acquired years of memories with a person or group of people that will enable you to remember them as often as you want, but instead, you chose to dwell on the space they left in your life and you decide to miss them. Missing people leads to sadness, but remembering people usually leads to joy. Some people do not have a choice in whether or not they will miss someone. The absence of that person is the very reason why they are missed, this is why I said: You can miss someone you do not remember.

Earlier last week I wrote a post entitled "Tick, Tock, Tick Tock" (http://misterdaniels.blogspot.com/2010/09/man-this-year-is-going-fast.html) and in it I talked about using your time to make memories and the subject I just talked about is the reason why making memories is so important. Most of us have learned already in life that it is very easy to loose someone. Death isn't the only way. Moving, new jobs, life situations change which cause our relationships to change, but as I said before, memories are the things that will not change. Plan a vacation with your family, start a family tradition do things for the sake of the memory not just for the experience; consciously create memories. Do what ever it takes to ensure that as situations change, the ones you care about the most will never miss out on you.
-Mister Daniels