Occasionally on Advice for a Modern Man, I allow a guest to write an article. Generally I do this to give my mind a break and to allow another voice to heard, especially if that voice is more versed on a topic than I am. Today you are being treated to one such guest and this is his "Guy's Guide to Moving in with your
Girlfriend".
Seasons come, seasons go. … all things come to pass. I’m the type of person who has never been a big fan of change… and for any bachelor there is no change bigger than getting a place together with your girlfriend. After 3 years (of subtle) and 6 months (of not-so-subtle) coaxing I was
Now I don’t know what stage of your life that you may be in… but I promise that at some point you WILL live with your significant other. It is at this time that you will find out that life is not one long continuous rap video. Now when you decide to get a place with your girl please take this simple yet valuable information (It’s on the internet… so it MUST be important). I’ll keep it short and simple. THREE rules of getting a place with your girl. I beg of you... Please learn from my mistakes!
Rule #1. GIVE IT UP: The moment you decide that you will be moving in together you are no longer a bachelor.
When WE (more on the word “we” later) got the new place I still had a whole month left on my lease at my old place. I remember having this wistful delusion that I was going to have this grand 30 day going away party/end of freedom celebration to usher in my new life season. In reality this marathon-party consisted of me staying at my old place one night and finishing up the Fruit Loops and milk that I had left in the fridge.
Rule #2. BE SURE THAT YOU TWO MOVE IN AT THE SAME TIME!!
Two reasons for this. 1.) You will end up “helping” her move to the new place… and weeks later… you will be helping yourself move all of your stuff to the new place. Kinda weird right? One place… but you “moved” twice! How the hell did that happen? And…
2.) When you finally move your stuff in to the new place…. There won’t be any room for it! It’s a damn good thing that I only have 6 different outfits because if I had 8… I’d have to keep two of them in the trunk of my car!
Rule #3. LEARN THE LANGUAGE!! Or commonly referred to as “1+1= HER”
This is the first time that I've lived with a girlfriend and in less than 30 days I've started learning a new language! I've named it “Femlish.” (Pronounced fem’-lish) I don’t want you to think that I am fluent. But I am at least getting comfortable with translating it. Now since this is a blog I don’t want to get into a long Femlish lesson but I will give you a few quick pointers. The first thing that I noticed in this language is that the word “we” only means one of you. Allow me expound….
“WE” often means: “I”. When your girl says, “WE need to pick out some new furniture for the new place.” This means you will spend the next few weeks going from store to store waiting for HER to decide which couch “SHE” likes. This likely means YOU probably won’t like the couch that “WE” agreed on. Another example of this is when she says “WE” need to talk. This means SHE will spend the next 25 – 55 mins talking about the changes that YOU need to make.
Last thing… Just know that “WE” doesn’t always refer to HER. Once you move in your girlfriend will say things like, “WE need to get rid of some stuff.” “WE need to start keeping this bathroom clean.” Or “Do you think WE need to paint the living room red?” This means YOU need to get rid of a bunch of YOUR stuff, prepare to mop, AND you will probably get red paint on your keyboard while you are guest writing a blog….
ThaGawdShow
Twitter @ThaGawdShow
This article was originally published in 2010, but I still find it relevant today. Good advice doesn't expire.
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