RE: 6 Things Guys Will Literally Never Get

     It is not a surprise that men do not get women.  I've often said that I must have been absent in school on the day they taught us how to talk to women.  I used to wonder why we have such problems with the opposite sex until I realized the heart of the problem.  Women get their advice from "Experts", Magazines and Blogs.  Women also expect us to read these same articles and have an "Ah ha" moment where everything just clicks and we live happily ever after.  Listen women, that will never happen.

Below is my response to a popular article released last week called 6 Things Men Will Literally Never Get

#1.Drinks at the club 
A) If a guy you have just met buys you and your friends drinks all night long AND does not expect anything in return, you should marry him because he IS Prince Channing Charming.  However, you will probably think that he is a push over and too nice and won't give him the time of day.  That changes if you want to go out drinking for free, then you will have no problem giving him a call or going to his favorite hangout in hopes of running into him.  Listen, some girls leave the house without a penny and expect to get free drinks all night. I've also had a girl ask me to buy her a drink and watch her immediately walk away with the drink and give it to a boyfriend/date.  If you decide to ride the free drink train, don't get mad when the road gets a little bumpy.

B) We buy you a drink to start a conversation.  If you allow us to continue to buy you drinks we assume that you enjoy the conversation.  If at the end of the night we have funded most of your fun, and you just walk away without even giving us a number, you my dear have earned the right to be bitched at.

2.When you say you need space
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... or something like that.  Sometimes we need space.  Sometimes you need space.  We understand the concept of "space".   We assume that you think that the relationship is not moving at the pace/direction or some other unknown metric that you'd like it to be.  So if you say that you want space, the guy that decides to spend money on a surprise weekend getaway is an idiot.  Oh you want some time apart? Lets plan to spend the weekend together, because that makes sense.  "He's too attached. I told him I want some space but he won't go away."  Sounds like a trap to me.  That's how a guy ends up with Arsenic stew.

#3. You don't over-think
We analyze too, but we try to break everything down into simplest terms.  We have three gears, forward, neutral and reverse.  So either the relationship is moving forward, staying the same or going backwards/ending.  It's that simple. We take everything at face value.  We will not plug the conversation into the Google Woman Translator.  We are logic machines.  We like everything to be in 1s and 0s.  If you throw a 2 in there, we assume it is an error and go back to our 1s and 0s.

#4. You already know the truth
Then why play the silly games just to see if we will lie about it.  That's called entrapment.  Don't forget, women lie too.  And, are much better at it.  So we are dating lying, (man)ipulating, emotional creatures with their own language and we are expected to understand them?  I think we get the short end of the relationship stick.

#5.When you say you're fine, you're NOT
Come on women, meet us half way.  The English language is complicated enough without you speaking in opposites.  Look there, they're putting their bag there.  See what I mean?  Complicated.  Some females find fines fine.  Again complicated.  Don't make it worse with your reverse speak.  We will not ask you 47 times what is wrong.

#6. Fantasies
You want romance or tragedy?  It seems that in those movies, the relationship is solidified through some sort of tragedy, monumental bad decision(s) or a stripper sob story.  Coincidentally, I have not seen any of those movies but I know that main characters die in most of them.  So do you want the perfect love where the man of your dreams dies in the end?  How is that a fantasy?  Black widow much?  That's not happy ever after unless you are happier after the insurance settlement is paid or you've received the attention you were looking for.  That is textbook Munchausen by Proxy.  It should be noted that in no guy fantasy does the woman we love die.  Except in On Her Majesty's Secret Service (RIP Teresa Bond).  Besides this example, we wouldn't think that is a good movie at all.

     If you are a woman reading this article, please understand, although it is speckled with bad humor, I have given you a guide as to why your list causes most of your relationship problems.  We do not like things to be unnecessarily complicated.  We do not read instructions because they are more complicated than needed. We do not follow directions for the same reasons.  We also ignore rule books, (don't girls love bad boys?). The problem is not that were are stupid, the problem is that you think we are.  You rarely say what you mean, and you take advice from online blogs and magazines instead of having a two way conversation with your man about what you really want.